TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHY
by Stacy Knasel
(sidney ohio usa)
In the past three years I have endured losses more than one person should have to. In Oct.2008 I lost my step father to heart failure (this was the third step dad I lost to death in my life) this was very unexpected.
In Feb.2009 I lost my daughter who also had a heart problem that no-one knew about, she was 22 years old.
Then Sept.5,2010 My best friend Denise passed away of an accidental overdose.
And the last, Sept15, 2010 my husband Jim. He had serious health problems for the last seven years of his life. But he never gave up and never let anything stop him.But he was afraid of going to sleep at night, he was afraid he wouldn't wake up. So for many years I stayed up to make sure he was ok. He was a large man but had very frail health. So I devoted my whole life to making his as good as I could' At least I hope I did.
Jim and I spent all our time together. We enjoyed each others company. Don't get me wrong we got on each others nerves from time to time, but never liked being away from each other. I'm so lucky that we didn't leave anything unsaid. But his last night on this earth was horrible. He saw one of his family members do something that shook him to the core. and that is the memory that I have to live with. He died at home in our bedroom.
Like always I stayed awake until the sun was coming up and that is the last thing I can remember. I can not remember how he passed away. The doctor said I went into shock and my brain may never let me remember. But he didn't die until the morning I do know that. I must admit all of this has taken a toll on me. I take things one day at a time. Sometimes a hour at a time or even a minute at a time. When we lose people we love we have our own time and way we need to deal with it.