Mary J Luquette
Grief and Art

The string of major losses continued including her work place closing down, her husband’s death, the heart attack and unexpected sudden death of another brother, followed by care-giving and the death of both parents then a second job layoff and the sale of her house all within the next two years. Her family had experienced grief 30 years earlier when an older brother was killed in a car accident involving a drunk driver. This time, however, her surviving 5 siblings spilt as a family unit under the pressure of so much grief and pain .There was an added loss of trust and security in the country as 9/11 had just ocurred. Mary’s world as she knew it no longer existed. How did Mary cope with such complicated grief?

She began years of counseling that lead to personal spiritual retreats where she began to explore a new and deeper relationship with God. Many people suggested she was being giving the test of Job, however Mary says she never thought that way. She doesn’t recall being angry at God but rather felt an invitation to live life with less fear and greater compassion for herself and the world. She continually found herself asking what she was supposed to learn from each loss. During the grief process, Mary discovered new confidence in surprising aspects of herself including fitness which has lead to triathlons. Also, at the time of her husband’s diagnose, she had just quit a two-pack-a-day smoking habit that she never went back to. The most unique way Mary worked through her pain was quilting. Yes, quilting, but these quilts are not like the visual image of quilts that come to my mind when I think of a woman quilting.

She says the quilting helped redefine herself. She had lost most, if not all the roles that she defined herself with—sister, daughter, wife, job roles. She came to realize that the roles were others’ definition of her, and she needed to define herself in her own words to become a fully authentic being.

The quilts also gave her a physical representation of her grief journey. And they gave her comfort. At times she would wrap herself up in a quilt and just sit with it.

All the deaths were different kinds of death and grief experiences. The quilts have helped her see how different types of loss effect people in different ways. Her art taught her a lot about the fact that grief is a unique journey for everyone. Mary is now a spiritual director, retreat leader, artist, triathlete, and public speaker who helps others discover confidence and creativity in their own lives. She says these roles have been the graces of the last ten years because ten years ago she would have laughed if anyone had suggested her name would be associated with any of these words. She is in the process of writing a book of her life.

Her first quilt was called Grief, No You Don’t Know Just How I Feel! When she was working on it, she couldn’t get it to fit together right. Then she realized that life doesn’t fit together—and you still have to make it work. So she started making her own patterns and developing her own rules for quilt-making. This eventually led to selling her work in a local art gallery. Being awarded first place in a juried art show, gave her further confirmation that she was an artist.

Sofia Crying My Tears came out of winning first prize for her first quilt. Mary was not able to be at the art show when the winners where announced. A friend was there in her place. When she heard that Mary had won, she burst into tears. Sofia Crying My Tears came out of the acknowledgment that so many times she was not able to cry her own tears, but others and God cried for her. Sofia is the Hebrew word for wisdom in the Biblical book of Proverbs, which is a personified expression of God.

Wednesdays at 4 Cancelled was made when her first counselor moved away. The cross that Mary had worn to all of the funerals felt like something she could no longer wear. She used black fabric because of the darkness and the horrible grief she was experiencing during this time. She incorporated red because of her passion of life. The spider web was a symbol of creativity The most important aspect of the piece is the broken black heart representing her own heart in black grief, which then shattered in two from the stress of yet another loss when her the counselor left. She says the counselor had been her life line through everything and it felt like it had been cut. She made the choice to let go of the rope and believe God would catch her in the fall--hence the cross in the middle of her darkest moment.

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Grief and Art Section
I will soon be adding a new section on grief and art. If you have used some form of art to work through grief and would like to be featured on this site contact me.

More articles related to grief and art:

Photography for Dealing with Grief
Make Memory Books
Visual Grief Journal

Copyright: Mary J Luquette holds the copyright for all the photos on this page. They cannot be used elsewhere without her permission.

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