To Hugo, I am so alone without you

by Elisa
(New York)

Dearest Hugo,

I have written to you many letters I keep in my journal for you, I have written here and on other sites, and I am writing again.

I miss you so much; I feel so scared and alone. Since we met in 1966, we only parted when you went into the Army and to Vietnam, then you came home, and until you died, we were married 44 years. Before living with you, loving you all those years, I lived at home with my parents and family. I know no other life.

You were my protector, best, truest, only real friend, my life. I am scared, and get more scared as time passes since you passed away. Not afraid of living in the house, afraid of being without you and really am struggling with death, Heaven, if you are there now or go later, it's difficult to interpret everything I read from Bible, etc.

Hugo, why did you leave me alone? We had plans, you never got to enjoy them, and that hurts me so much for you. I don't know how to continue living without you, every day it gets worse, not better. I don't want to do what my friends tell me to do: go out, make friends, I only liked it how it was--you and me. And then suddenly you're told you have pancreatic cancer and you die. I know you are dead, but I can't understand why and I can't stand the fact.

I love you, and as you said you'd love me until you die and after that. I hope you know how much you are missed by me and how much I love you and I hope you remember me, love me the same way as before you died.

Love, your Babe, Sweet Pea, Wife, Elisa

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