A day I will never forget.

by pat
(Illinois, USA)

It was a very sunny, warm spring day. I needed to get several things done for a state inspection. John had come home from work early to help me. What happened next will forever change my life...we were moving old cast off furniture off the screened in patio. It wasn't going to fit through the doorway so... he picked up a small sledge hammer and beat the legs off it and that was the last time I spoke to him, touched him or looked in his eyes.
I called 911. Started doing cpr. Finally after what seemed an eternity paramedics arrived. They took over. Shocked him 3 times with AED. When they could transport we followed them to hospital. Not knowing for sure what was going on in the back of my mind I think I knew he was gone. He had a massive heart attack.
Arriving at the ER the Drs. Took us aside and said they had worked on him for... well needless to say they called time of death. I kissed him goodbye and told him it was ok. Go to heaven and hug my little brother. (Even though it was not alright there was nothing I could do to bring him back). Seemed like we sat there and cried and screamed and asked why? Forever. Then I had to make a phone call to my very special in-laws. Wow! That was tough.
I do blame myself. I wish I didn't have that inspection. I knew he wasn't feeling real good. Why didn't I stop him? To this day I still can't look at that hammer.
I feel empty, lonely, sad, scared. It's been almost a year now and I'm not feeling to much better. I don't show it on the outside but inside I'm a mess. I miss my best friend, confidante, lover. Over 40 years together, 3 children, 5 grandsons. He would now be 57 years young.

Comments for A day I will never forget.

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Jun 30, 2014
A Day i will never forget
by: Rea

Great piece of work.

Jun 29, 2014
by: Anonymous

He is with you and always will be. Do not blame yourself. Hard as that may be and hard as it may be not to over all the little and big things during those we loved lifetimes, we must not.
I miss my Dad to this day 3 plus years ago. But he wants me happy and so does your husband want you happy. Just pray and know God really does have him in the palm of His hand. No words will ever, ever take away the pain but know and believe he will always be with you. I feel like my Dad died too young and he was 80, age does not matter. But I was blessed to have a wonderful father. Your blessed to have had a wonderful husband. I will pray for you. I know my Dad is praying for you as he prays for me and all. He spent an hour or more literally on his knees in prayer everyday. I bet your husband and my Dad have met. Probably good buds now. Take care. Have peace. We will see them again! The missing does not go away but please take solace in knowing they loved us and are with us and know it is easier some days than others but that,s ok, that is love. Look for signs. They send them. I know my Dad has and Grandma and she is gone almost 21 years.
Mary in Duluth MN

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