This is not easy.

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This is not easy.

It is now just over 4 months since my father died and I am struggling inwardly. I am coping outwardly and getting on with all that has to be done in life and all the things you have to do after a death etc.

However the inner journey is heavy and tough. My father is the last thing I think about at night and the first thing I think about when I awake. It feels horrible. I do have lovely memories at times too, it is not all heavy. Each person's grief journey is influenced by their circumstances as well of course.

I just wanted to share that I am finding the going tougher as time goes along. I suppose 4 months is still early days.

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This is not easy.

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Aug 16, 2010

your update
by: Janelle

Jeanette,

I'm glad to read the update--even thought you may not feel like you are in a better place on your journey. Birthdays and other important anniversaries can be especially hard.

Some people like to create a little ritual that they do each year to remember their loved one. I have a friend whose father loved steak. She herself doesn't eat steak that much, but each year on his birthday she will make herself a steak dinner to remember him.

Regarding the memory books...they will happen when the time is right for you.

I'm glad you are finding the website helpful. This summer I moved, so I haven't been able to give much time to the site, but I'm planning to give it more attention now that things are settled again.

May you find glimmers of hope for your journey...

Aug 14, 2010

You are not alone
by: Anonymous

It's now been almost 6 months since my father died. It has been a journey of many emotions. Getting through the "first" of everything is very painful...the first fathers day...my birthday...and pretty soon his birthday. I can't even think about the holidays and plan to aviod it all together this year. It's just too sad. What keeps my going these days is the realization that my life must continue. My dad was a very opinionated, srtong willed person. It was very difficult watching him lose that part of himself. Whenever I feel myself slipping back to the sad memories, I hear his voice in my head telling me that life goes on and he wants me to live my life fully. It's easier said than done, but each day is slightly less painful than the previous one. I am finally starting to have happy memories. I will hear or see something that reminds me of him, or think of something silly that he said, and I will start to laugh. I haven't laughed in a long time. I have been writing letters to my dad and it does help. Please try to get your emotions down on paper. It really does help release the grief. I cried buckets of tears as I was writing, and it did help.

My wish for you is that you find peace in your heart and the courage to move forward. Please keep in touch.

Aug 12, 2010

A few months on
by: Anonymous

It is another four months since I first wrote and I realise now just how very early on the first four months is.

It is my father's birthday soon and .............I really can't find the words to express the part of the journey I am on now. There is still a lot of numbness I think but it gradually becomes more real and each time you think you have reached reality and 'caught up 'with what has happened you find that there is still further to go. There is also a feeling that I must be strong, many people lose loved ones, it is a common human experience of course but it is so ...I can't find the right word.

Due to personal circumstances I have not been able to make the memory books you mentioned but it is an aim of mine to make them later this year.

Thank you once again for your website.

Apr 26, 2010

Thank you Jeanette
by: Anonymous

Dear Jeanette,

Thank you very much for sharing some of your journey.Whilst all our stories are different I can relate very much to parts of your journey and want you to know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing if that is of any comfort. You have made the journey less lonely for me by sharing your experience. I was in a caring role as well although not as full time as yours probably was. You did a beautiful thing for your father in caring for him. I wish you peace.

Apr 22, 2010

I too lost my Father
by: Jeanette

My father passed away 2 months ago, and at 53, I have never felt so insecure. My father is in my thoughts all day long. I can't seem to get past the grief and pain of his last two days in the hospital. I am having difficulty finding the happy memories. My only solace right now is knowing that he was spared the pain of cancer. My dad passed away from complications of pneumonia after a diagnosis of lung cancer. I was always close to my dad and was his caregiver for the last 2 years of his life. Those last two years were very difficult and our bond grew stronger. Now the house is empty and quiet and it's unbearable for me to walk into this house everyday and not have him here. I just pray that as time passes, all of the good memories will return and I can once again smile when I think of my father.

Apr 09, 2010

No it isn't easy
by: Janelle

I am truly sorry for your loss. You are right that each person's journey is influenced by their own circumstances. I hope that you will find ways to help you walk toward greater healing.

I am glad that you have lovely memories to hold on to. Do you find it helpful to write about those memories at all? Each person has different ways to cherish those memories. I made memory books to help me through those early days of loss. Now when I look back through them, I am surprised at the memories that I have forgotten. It makes me even more glad that I made the books.

I'd love to hear ways that you are celebrating your father's memory.

My thoughts are with you in these difficult days.

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This is not easy.

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This is not easy.