The Final Goodbye The One I Never Got To Say

by karen bartek
(beaumont,texas)

my husband and i were going thru alot of things physically, and mentally, he supposedly inherited a home and we saw it as afresh start, instead his mother would never put in his name so he could fix it up. he also had a back injury while doing what he loved working on harley davidson motorcycles.

the last year i saw a side of him that really broke my heart, without the transfer of title he could not get loan to work on house, so i feel like he gave up.

in july the air broke because of faulty wiring, but we needed that loan to repair, it was so hot that we went to a hotel just to recuperate, on friday the 8th of july he had appt. to see if his heart could handle another surgery, well his heart a spirit were broken,when i tried to wake him that morning, he was dead, i just pray for the day i get that picture out of my head, i really miss him he was my best friend, and no matter what was going on, we stuck it out. i just feel in my heart he new nothing was going change and he just went sleep. i will always love him and miss him. he was 46 years old, served proudly in the marines. he was my husband.


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Dear Karen,

Your story touches my heart. I am so sorry for your loss and all the circumstances that surrounded it. It is all the circumstances that can sometimes make grief that much harder to bear.

With a sudden and unexpected death, it is normal to have those "pictures" or images of the scenes stuck in your head for a long time.

In our bodies there is a tornado of energy going on that the body naturally produces in response to crisis. During this time the instinctual and emotional part of our brains are highly activated. So these images get stored in our emotional brain.

Part of the experience of grief is to work through our emotions and those memories. You may find the Trauma Healing section of the site helpful as well as the other areas about Stages of Grief, which is alot more than just the typical stages we hear about.

My thoughts will be with you today. May you find glimmers of peace and hope for your life. There are no easy answers. A favorite quote that I like to is is by a Spanish Poet, Antonio Machado, "Traveler, there is no path. We make the path by walking."

May you find your healing path.

Janelle