tell him to wait for me
I am very sad and lonely after my partner died recently in April of this year. I am now 33 weeks pregant with our baby and i miss not sharing the joy and happiness with him. We were about to get married and have our baby, and it came as a terrible shock because he was only 39 years old and this was complete unexpected.
I came home and i was the one who found him in our home, and i actually held him in my arms, then layed him down and found there was no breathing. I cried and screamed when the paramedics told me the news, even though I knew deep down, you always hope they can do something.
Although I am partly comforted by knowing i have part of him with me in our baby,I feel so lonely and empty without him, and i feel scared of the birth, and sad he wont physically be there, and i dont want anyone else there because it is our special most precious time of our baby being born, so i am taking his photo of us.
he was such a wonderful kind caring man, i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and thats how it remeains in my heart, an eternal love. That will always be, forever. I feel sad that our baby won't have a daddy as he was so dedicated to being a father, this was his first time of being a dad, and it is such a sad moment in my life, for something that could have been so happy for us has been taken away.
I just miss so much about him, and when i see other mums and dads with their children i break down and cry, thinking its not fair that was suppose to be us.
And when i see people happily getting married I feel sad as well because the day before he died, he told me what a lovely wife i would make, but we never got the chance to be husband and wife. In my heart we were married, if not more.
I lay in bed at night holding his jumper next to me, and i write him letters to day how much i miss him and how much i love him. A partner means so much, you spend every day and night, your whole life with that person, and they are the one that is with you 24/7 no one else is, not even your family or friends. Even just sitting at the dinner table on my own, sets me off, and i cant ever watch tv now because we use to cuddle up whilst watching tv and i dont wanna watch it on myown.
Never take for granted your partner, they are suppose to be that very special love that is there with you by your side, and i never felt lonely when my special love was with me. You can't ever say it enough, "I love you", just cherish every day and waking hour, id do anything to have him with me again, just to hold him and look into his eyes and hear his voice.