by Debbie

Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery. - F. Alexander Magoun

I had another complete meltdown of tears today, again at work. This one seemed really long I couldn't catch my breath and was sobbing uncontrollably, coughing and blowing my nose. Wishing someone would come in so I would stop!
This quote is perfect... for the wound is so deep and it is so emotional like my tears are blood flowing from this deep hole in my heart hopefully carrying the poison out of me, slowing healing me from within.
Is it the beginning of recovery? I feel like this is never going to end! I am trying to work through my grief. I am getting up going to work Oh trust me I would rather be in bed under the covers, hiding away from the world, but I know I cant.
Well here is what happened it started yesterday Scott (my husband) had a Dr's appointment just a yearly physical. His blood pressure was still high and after doing an EKG the Doc told him he has an enlarged heart and he has to go get a ultra sound of it to see what is going on. Which is one of the things our son had when he passed and it has been almost 2 months. Scott didn't want to tell me but he knew he had to. He didnt want to worry me. Today I found out poor Sarah is moving back in with her Mom she cant stay at the house her and Michael had. It is to hard for her to go home to an empty house without him there. So I am going over to help her go through things and the thought of it terrifies me. I know I will be a mess as well as her and her Mom. It is taking such a toll on all of us. I am still so concerned about Scott, Patti, and Christy. I know it is a long road and recovery is so much work but it is draining. I pray for some good news. I do know that after I have a big cry I am a little better but extremely exhausted. 7-9-15

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