Prayer for understanding the loss of Dad in death and Mom(not literally) and other loss

by Mary Z
(Minnesota)

Dear God,

I know you have Dad safe in heaven. I know he has great joy now and I am happy for that.

But dear Lord I wonder why you took him the way you did by way of a stroke. I wonder why he had to suffer. And I wonder why he died at 80. Some would say that is a long life but it isn't to me. Dad was active and apparentl;y well. I thought he would live into his 90s. So God I feel cheated.

Mom was active with him and now she is in a nursing home with dementia. She is not who she always was. So she is here but she is gone too. She never wanted to be in a nursing home. Who would? And God I had to let my sick, old and beloved dog go too. So many losses in a only about a years time.

Mom and Dad were and are so special to me. I wanted to give them children, and it never happened. I wanted to have Dad walk me down the aisle and it will never happened. I wanted to name my first living child after Grandma who died about 18.5 years ago. It never happened. I prayed. Why. I know it is not about me but I don't get it. These things were to honor mom, dad and grandma.

Now I feel worse than ever with losing Dad 14 months ago. I miss him like it was yesterday. I was so close to Dad. He meant the world to me and he was so good to me and everyone. He dealt with so many family stresses on his own. He was trying to take care of mom when I or no one knew the extent of her condition and my sister with mental illness and behavior issures. She, my sister, took advantage of him and anyone she could. I feel she took my time with Dad away from me. I know he felt she needed him but she took advantage of that. I needed Dad too and never took advantage of him. Dear Lord I am so angry about that and at her. Help me to forgive.
Dear Lord help me to understand. Dad meant so much to me and Lord You knew I would feel this way before you took him. Please take away the pain of loss and the lonesomeness I feel in losing him and in losing Mom in a sense to dementia.

Oh Lord there have been times I have felt I don't want to be in this life but I am for a reason. I know I will see Dad again someday. But for now I pray for signs of him dear God. Please allow him to come to me. I know with all my heart he would if You allow it. I know he has in signs and I am grateful. But God I don't want to be alone in this world and I pray for that special love to come to me as well. I ask You take away the fear of growing old alone and never let it happen. Seeing Mom in the nursing home scares me. Seeing Dad the way I did scares me for the future. And God I do not mean this to be all about me. But I know I have to live my life and I have to live it well as Dad Mom and You would want. I will do it best being positive. I can't do it with fear, anxiety and anger and without forgiving. So I am praying for help. I will add one note that I am so very very grateful for a new job. I know Dad was and is praying....Grandma too. I pray to do well at the new job also. So Dear Lord help with all of this and more...family isures and everything else too. I pray for peace. I pray to know and feel Dad near me always. Thank you.

Your loving daughter
Mary

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