personal relationship/health

by Susanna
(India)

Greetings to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am a 27 yr old girl who is going through the most pathetic phase of my life. I'm a born again christian and have a daily relationship with God. I had a relationship with a person who is 10 yrs elder to me who is not yet married. He was a womanizer before who used to have sex with every woman who fantacize him and also had a relationship with a married woman for 8 yrs. Actually he was a friend of mine for 4 yrs. I knew everything about him and at the beginning he even tried to aproach me, as I knew about his nature, I refused him for 3 yrs everytime he approached me. But last year satan tempted me in such a way that i started thinking to give him a chance atleast once as he always used to plead me to hav sex with him and he waited for that chance for 3 yrs.. So one day we commited and i lost my virginity.

But as days passed by, we've become into serious relationship, and he even thought of leaving that married woman and he never went near to any other woman. I slowly developed a thought of getting married to him, though he didn't had that thought since begining becoz he is suffering from a serious illness in his intestines. But by observing my dedication towards him, he thought of marrying me too, but he couldn't take a brave step as he thought that my life will be affected if he couldn't get on with that sickness. But my feelings for him never changed.

Now I moved to my parents place, and now we both are living in two different countries now.. He completely changed, left that married woman.Attending church regularly,not yet born again.. We've been in regular contact untill a week ago. He suddenly called me and told me that some other new sickness has cropped up, and he never told me what was it, but he told me to get on with my life and forget abt him.. since then he is not responding to my calls, msgs anything.

I feel as if I'm lost somewhere, my whole life has been affected.. not able to live a normal life.. thought of ending my life as well once.. very tensed about him, don't know what happend to him.. feeling very difficult to be normal before my family, though expericing a ocean of sorrow inside me.. I don't have anyone to share my sorrow which I'm expericing all alone..He is not lying to me or playing some game to leave me, bcoz I found out through his friends as well, he is very much depressed and staying away from all the people he knew. My parents knew about our relationship and accepted me to get married to him but he is not prepared due to his sickness.. and I dont know what really happened to him now. He is very much depressed in life, he is hating me now becoz i keep worrying about him. Whenever we met online accidently he is being rude to me if I ask anything about his sickness..

What should I do now, for just a 27yrs old girl, I feel its too much to bear this pain. Today in church God spoke to me through James 5:15.. But the thought of him itself is worring me a lot about him.

Please I beg you to pray for me and his sickness. I don't know where our relationship will end, but I am not able to think about anyone in my life as my husband except him.. coz I knw I've sinned with him, and I repented before God for my sins. I dont know whether we can be together again, but as for now he is important for me. He should be healed and become more close to God and serve Lord with all that he had.

In God's love,
Susanna

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