Jill--Amy's Mom

by Jill
(La Pine Oregon)

My daughter Amy was killed in a auto accident 7 years ago. She was a passenger in a pickup truck driven by one of my nieces. My niece was driving a little too fast on an old country road, a deer ran out, my niece locked up the brakes and the truck hit a ditch, went airborn and Amy was killed on impact. She is the only one who died.
Amy was 23 with two little boys. Her oldest was 5 and her youngest was 6 months.

I am 7 years down the road and doing as well as I can. I have worked hard to get to where I am and I will not say its been easy. I just know that time has taught me how to cope and learn to live my life around the pain.

Comments for Jill--Amy's Mom

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Sep 17, 2010
Living life around the pain
by: Jill

Janelle--
Living my life around the pain....How did I do this? I went to lots of counseling and worked at learning how to live again. Having my grandchild helped a whole lot. She taught me how to love and enjoy life again. It did not happen over night but a period of 5 years or so. I don't know how to describe it but I feel as tho I had no choice but to live. A whole lot of it I guess was just learning to accept that Amy died and was not coming back no matter what I did. I know now she is going to be with me always. Not the way I wanted her to be with me but I just have to accept things for what they are.
Please don't get me wrong, I miss Amy with every breath I take and I live for the day I die casue then I am going to heaven and will be with her again.
Peace be with you all.

Sep 15, 2010
Living with losing your daughter
by: Maritta

Dear Jill,

I am so sorry that you have had to suffer this enormous loss. I know how deep the sorrow is because I too have lost my precious daughter. Maija-Liisa was only 19 when she lost her life because of a person who drove through the restaurant where she sat eating her dinner. She was gifted and exceptional but most of all she was a daughter and a sister and a friend and much more to so many. It has only been two years and I struggle so much each day with not being able to see her or be with her. But life does keep moving forward even though it feels as if though it shouldn't. I am now connected to others who have also suffered these losses and that does bring me some comfort. But ultimately I long to have her back here with me and with her family. I feel that this is a process that cannot be hurried and everyone needs to go through it in their own unique way. Take care and I hope that you have some measure of peace and much love in your life.

Sep 11, 2010
working through grief
by: Janelle

Jill,

Sounds like you've created some lovely rituals to help you remember Amy and her place in your life.

I was interested in how you said having custody of your younger daughter's baby saved you. If you are interested in sharing, I'd be interested in hearing more about that. Was it that she gave you purpose to keep living or having someone else that diverted your attention away from being completely overwhelmed by the loss? Or maybe something completely different?

I agree that time does not necessarily heal the pain. You are right you really had no choice in either her death or going on living in spite of how much you miss her and grief her absence in your life.

Sep 09, 2010
Response to Janelle
by: Anonymous

Janelle--
I am not sure that there was any one thing that helped me. It took a long time to get to a place where I could cope and move forward (so to speak). A year and a half after Amy died, I got custody of my younger daughters newborn daughter. She is now 5 and she was what really saved me.
I heard so many comments from people that the pain goes away in time and well...I do not believe that. I just believe that I had no choice in my daughters death and that I had no choice but to live.
I have done things to help me through. We built a memorial garden in our back yard for Amy. It is a special place we can go and sit and just thing about her. On holidays we light a white candle for Amy. On her angel day, we buy helium ballons and write her love notes then hug & kiss them and let them float to heaven.
I love and miss her soooo much.

Sep 09, 2010
living around the pain
by: Janelle

Hi Jill,

Your phrase about learning to live your life around the pain really resonated with me. That is really how it is. Life keeps happening and somehow we need to keep living and yet the pain is there too...

What did you find that helped you "live around the pain?"

Thanks for sharing.

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