I wish I could have died with you...

(New York)

You lived almost a century and I had you for 60 years. I consider myself lucky for having you as long as I did. With you gone I feel like my life is over. Without you I no longer have any purpose to my life. I have no one to cook for, no one to share my meals, no one to care about me or worry if I got home okay. You died April 1st 2020 and a month later I am still weeping every night. My heart is shredded and I miss you, MOM. I will always be your devoted daughter. I never married, had no children, always had my Mother, am estranged from my other 2 siblings. Now I am alone and I don't want to be here any more.
The hole in my heart is making me physically ill but I know I can and will cope. Life moves on and all I am left with is my memories. I am trying hard to fill my thoughts and heart with memories of happier times but the reality of not having my Mom around just feels like a knife scraping away at what little is left of my heart. I want to die. The pain of living is becoming to much to bare. I want to be with my Mom & Dad and my grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins in the hereafter. But what I want is irrelevant,life is cruel and I am stuck where I don't want to be but I am my Mother's daughter who taught me I can survive and overcome any obstacle. Even though I don't want to be here, MOM I WILL keep you alive in my heart and will LIVE FOR YOU, until we meet again. I pray it will be soon.

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