From Dispare to find peace

by Krieks Brink
(Middelburg, Mpumalanga)

I'm krieks brink. Losing my baby through an accident and try to make sense of his death is not an easy road.

I don't think I will ever heal or feel normal again. Every song of love ones I hear I think of him. I can't open myself for more emotions or relationships except for my twin boys. I'm only coping day by day. needless to say me and my husband divorcing now.

My son Ian was my youngest, his two brothers is twins and two years older than him. From his birth we enjoyed and treasure him. He was the only one of my kids that spend most of his free time with me.

One Thursday ( on a holiday ) they went braaiing at the local dam. About 22h30 he want a lift with one of his friends on a bike. They his a loose rock in the road and lost control. My son didn't wore a helmet. My other son phone me an tell me to come and be quick their was an accident. I was the first person there with first aid, so I had to do first aid on my own dying son. Two hours later that night he passed away due to brain bleeding.

There is no words or feeling I can describe to explain how I felt and what my actions was for several minutes there after.

He was twenty years old, so much to live for, so huge potential. He was one of the brightest kids I've ever seen.

Somebody told me his in a better place (HOW CAN THEY SAY ANYWHERE ELSE IS A BETTER PLACE, I WANT HIM HERE WITH ME!!!!!). NOBODY on earth can love him more than I!!!!!!. Two years is a long time to be without him.

Some days I want to go to him, but I know by doing that I will left my twin boys behind, and they need me just like I need them.