friends for 40 years-lover for 5 months

by dierdre
(north carolina)

My marriage was at a dead end after 26 years, but I put up with it until I found my husband was having a relationship. He was out of town on another of his trips when I found out about it, and I called a friend I had known for 40 years for support. We found ourselves to be in the same place - his partner had left him just 3 weeks prior to my call. He lives in another state, but jumped in the car and drove to see me the next morning. Let me add that I am 61 and he was 63.

We began an affair, and soon fell deeply in love. I have never known that kind of love, and I believe him when he said he hadn't either. I told my husband that I was in love with this man and that I wanted a divorce. This man asked me to marry him as soon as I was free, and I said yes. Things were proceeding, when, on a trip to visit me, my love had a heart attack and died almost immediately as I was watching. I tried my best to give him CPR to no avail.

I am still reeling from the shock. I feel that life is simply over for me - I will never find anyone like him - I don't even have a desire to do so. I can barely manage to get through the day. I almost wish I had never reconnected with him and had never known such love. I was getting by OK in life with no love at all, but now it's horrible to think about what a loss this is. I miss his touch, his kiss, his love, the way he would hold me - the connection we had together. How do I cope with such emptiness?

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Feb 11, 2012
so sorry
by: Janelle

Dear Dierdre,

I'm so sorry to hear of this horrible loss you are experiencing. It feels so unfair.

There are now easy answers. I noticed you live in North Carolina, and I thought of a widow's event that will be happening at Myrtle Beach in April. (There will be other "unwed" widows there--people who lost their partners, fiances, etc.) Many people find this event to be very helpful, as it is a large group of people who are experiencing similar losses. Here is the website in case you are interested: .

You will be in my thoughts.

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