Crying

by Gloria
(Toledo, OH)

I need a safe place that I can tell my story. My Mother died 8 months ago and I'm still crying. Everyone seems to judge me because of the crying. They say things like I'm taking it hard. Well of course I'm taking it hard but no harder than my brothers and sisters.

We all lost our Mother. No one else seems to cry as much as I do. I have a hard time talking with anyone without crying. I can't hold it in. I do want to stop crying but it doesn't look like its gonna happen any time to soon.

Keep this in mind as you go thru life that if you meet someone that crys easily to not judge that person. Reach out and talk to them or hug them. I still need my friends and family. I just cry and I don't know when I'm gonna stop. The only way I have ever dealt with pain was to cry. I heard it said that I will stop crying when I stop crying. I wish that was today but until then i will cry.....

Comments for Crying

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Jan 23, 2013
Hope you are well
by: Anonymous

Hope folks are well. I am a year out now with my mom's loss. I still cry at least a few times a week and many days I feel really numb. Either way not a day goes by without me missing my mom :-( Most of the time I know I am blocking things out by not looking at things that remind me of her because its simply too hard and brings things back to reality of today. If I look at something of hers, see something that makes her real, hear a song that makes me think of her, I find I catch my breath and my heart stops...it says it can't be....and yet it is. I pray for strength each day - I miss her all the time. I miss what we had, but most of all I miss her getting to be a part of the new experiences coming into my life that I'd have wanted her to experience with me - to be that always open heart and incredible strength and support - just here...simply to share. The truth is the tears still come and I say its ok. It's part of the new path we must come to live.

Jan 23, 2013
cry freely without shame
by: Anonymous

I got the same comments and judgment from people when I lost my best friend to cystic fibrosis. They kept saying, "Why are you crying? You knew he was going to die." My advice is cry as long as you need to. I discovered that crying was a way of healing, cleansing and over time feeling better. Our society tells us it is not okay to cry which is why nobody else is crying. They are afraid. Cry, it is the strongest people who have the courage to cry. Cry freely and in front of others without shame.

Jan 20, 2012
empathy
by: Divya

Gloria - I came to your note in my quest for peace in dealing with my loss. I lost my mother in a car accident just a little more than a month ago. Crying has been one of the best things for me to release my emotions. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying today, a month from now, three months from now, three years from now, and on. I sincerely believe until a person has experienced the loss there is no way to fully understand the pain and the personal nature of the journey in dealing with the loss. Everyone's relationship is different and no one can judge what is right or wrong. Take your time to cry. I love my mother very very very much and I have not reconciled what has happened and yet I know my path has only just begun in trying to make sense of everything. My greatest strength has come from reading of others' stories on loss and finding comfort with in knowing they understand. Know that while we haven't met, my heart goes to you and my thoughts are with you. In shared tears.

Oct 17, 2011
crying
by: Janelle

Hi J.

If you are crying in private at least that is helping you get your emotions out of your body. It is not uncommon to be numb during the funeral and when with others so soon after a loved one's death. The body seems to "freeze" in order to not be completely overwhelmed by emotion.

If you are concerned that you are not releasing enough trauma energy that may be trapped in your body, there are a variety of things you can do. Exercise and moving your body (walking, yoga) is your body's natural way of releasing this energy.

I also used things like journaling and photography to help me release my trapped trauma energy after my husband's death.

Hope this helps.

Oct 15, 2011
crying
by: Anonymous

I can't understand myself. I use to be able to express feelings to people and cry so easily, yet now, i only seem to ever cry when i am totolly alone, then I cry for hours and break down completely. I go numb, often detach myself, when i talk to others about how i lost my partner they end up crying for me, then i feel bad for making them cry. I am scared of hurting my family by showing them how much i am really hurting so i just hide my feelings and let them out when alone.

During my husbands funeral I was numb completely numb, yet that didn't mean i wasn't hurting because inside i felt like i had died, i still do. I remember so clearly at the funeral the car carrying the coffin covered in flowers, and i had to look away because that just made me want to fall to the ground and collasp just because the pain was so unbearable, but then i saw the teddy i had made up from bear factory from my unborn baby to their daddy, and i remembered the day i had choosen the bear, got him stuffed with a heart and a voice message, and when the shop assistant asked me to make a wish. I know my wish. Then when i looked again at the car pulling up by the entrance of the chapel, i saw my teddy facing towards me from the inside of the car and that made thingd easier somehow, i dont know why.

I closed my eyes, and i didn't cry as much as i should have. I kept saying to everyone I am not normal, i am not acting right i should be crying. Yet underneath i was falling to pieces. I still talk to people about that day but they are words and i shut off and they are the ones that do my crying for me. Why am i like this? when my heart is so broken. j

Oct 14, 2011
crying is good
by: marie

dear gloria, do not worry about your crying. My mother died 2 months ago,in january 2009 my dad and sister in law died within 11 days of each other. Crying is the body's way of coping with grief and the emotional build up. I cry alot some day's a few tears other day's there are alot of tears. I miss my mum so so much she was a wondeerful person and mum. Crying is the pinnacle of the peak of your emotions. If i didn't cry i would crack up.I don't hold back with my tears. I .feel better after a good cry. My mum was ill with cancer and i cried in front of her, sometimes we cried together.I don't look down on people who cry,people cry for a good reason mostly.Eyes are more than the windows to our soul and for crying. good luck and watch this space

Jul 17, 2011
Crying
by: Donna

Dear gloria,

People should never judge you because you are crying, that is how you deal with all the pain and emotions.I cried for about 6 hours last night, when i looked in the mirroe my eyes were all sore and this morning i haven't got up until late because i feel so exhausted after all my crying.

Sometimes other people aren't able to cope with peoples emotions, and they proberly feel hopeless knowing how to help you through all this pain you are experiencing. I cry a lot after loosing someone v close to me, he was my partner and i'm pregant with his baby. I cry a lot but i tend to do it when no one is around, but i cry inside all the time. Crying is a normal way of expressing your feelings.

I often write letters to my deceased loved one, I write and talk to them every night. Also i am writing a book for mine and his baby, for our baby to learn all about their daddy.

Everyone is different, so don't feel bad about crying, i really feel for you.

Apr 07, 2011
A Mother's Love
by: KAREN

Gloria, GOD gave us tears for the purpose of crying. Crying helps to release some of the pain. I have been where you are. Those insensitive persons, speaking those insensitive words, obviously have not lost a loved one. Most often people don't know what to say at a time such as this. Do not listen to them. There is nothing like a Mothers' love. Remember your Mothers' love and keep that in your mind and heart. GOD bless you Gloria.

Apr 06, 2011
crying
by: Janelle

Gloria,

Thanks for sharing. I hear a lot of pain in your story, and I can only imagine how difficult it is to have people commenting on your crying. It seems to me that if you are crying, there is a lot of traumatic energy or emotions in your body that needs to come out.

If you want the crying to stop, you might look for other options to help get the emotions and traumatic energy out of your body. Some people find that journaling or other creative expressions help with this.

If you haven't heard of Emotional Freedom Technique, you can read this introductory article: EFT Tapping. Research is finding that EFT is very effective for getting traumatic energy balanced in your body.

But in the meantime, try not to force the crying to stop. It will only trap more emotion within your body.

My thoughts are with you.

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