A Father's Love

by Hazel
(Canada)

My parents separated when I was 7 and I lost a lot of contact with my Dad at that time, but I was fortunate to reconnected with him later on in my life. For the past 10 years he was my rock. Then a year and a half ago he suffered a stroke and 3 months ago passed away. I am not sure how to handle the loss. It hurts, I lost him when I was a child, and now again. It just doesn't seem fair.

Comments for A Father's Love

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May 27, 2011
 loss, but anger
by: Janelle

Hazel,

Sorry I missed your comment until now. I can totally understand why you would be angry at your mother during this time of grieving the loss of your dad--and grieving the loss of those years you did not know him because of your mother's choices.

Anger and sadness are so often mixed in grief. I remember feeling a great deal of anger and then angry because I was angry and couldn't just feel sad, which is what I thought grief should be about.

I agree that counseling is a good idea. If you do not have any local possibilities, you might consider online counseling. I've just been reading how it provides the benefits of counseling as well as the benefits of journaling because of writing in the chat format.

My thoughts are with you today. And I do hope your tomorrows look brighter.

May 24, 2011
 Loss, but anger
by: Hazel

After experiencing this loss of my Dad, it is hard to not be angry now at my mother. I feel that she took so much time that I could have had with my dad away from me. It was ultimately because of her that I lost so much time with him. Not until I was old enough to make decisions for myself did I decide to re-connect with Dad. It is just so unfortunate that after I did make the connection again I had only a few years to make memories before he got sick and passed away. It hurts so much and I am so angry at her. I have only had one conversation with her in the past 3 months since Dad passed, and it was me telling her I wasn't ready to talk to her. I need to deal with the loss of Dad before I can deal with how I feel about her. But, I am struggling and don't know where to go. I have decided to seek counselling and hopefully that will help. Tomorrow, hopefully will be a better day.
May 24, 2011
 A Fathers love
by: Janelle

Hazel-

I am sorry for your double loss--first in your childhood and then after this renewed strong relationship to have to loose your father again. You are right it does not seem fair.

I don't know if you would be interested in doing a memory book, but that is one activity that I really found helpful after my husband's death. I found that there was something healing and calming in reliving the happy memories and knowing that they would be preserved. Now when I go back and look through those books, I am surprised at the things I have forgotten and I'm so glad they are in the books.

If you would like some ideas, you can see some on the Make Memory Books page. You also might like the Grief Journaling section. It offers a way to reflect on your own journey.

Of course, there are no easy answers, and you might find different things more helpful for you. My thoughts are with you today.

Janelle

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