Bodywork: A tool for the Management of Grief

by
Elle Bieling

Can bodywork, relaxation techniques and other body-mind-soul exercises help with the management of grief? I say a resounding, ‘Yes!’ Here is my story with bodywork and grief.

Recently I lost my father to chronic lymphocytic leukemia. The management of grief was a new experience for me. I was very lucky, that at the age of 52 I had never lost anyone close to me before now. I knew nothing of grief. Unfamiliar emotions were crossing my consciousness and my first instinct, after the services were over, was to roll up in a ball, in self-preservation and stay there indefinitely.

It was easy to stay closed, to keep my emotions inside and roll up and hide. I would curl up in the grief that seemed more powerful, yet somehow subtler than any emotion I had experienced in my life. When this bodily closed state seemed to pass, I still felt a constant heaviness that formed like a thick cloud hovering over me.

I did not want to go out, or go anywhere. I no longer wished to go on my long therapeutic walks. My usual desire to do bodywork was missing. The heaviness in my body persisted as if the tears that I needed to shed could no longer pour forth, but instead build up in me unrequited.

My head ached and felt horribly congested and my body ached, full of the unnamed emotions that I felt. I wanted them to pour out, but they resisted. My body resisted.

It was more than the loss of my father, who had lived a wonderful 87 years. It was about the many faces of grief that presents itself to you, unaware. The emotions catch you by surprise. You feel them, hold them, and then they need an outlet to be released.

Bodywork as a Release for Grief

Slowly, I turned back to what I knew best for healing: bodywork. While my writing helps me relieve my grief enormously, it is bodywork that is the most effective.

My body was aching to release the emotions, release the pent-up energy of grief. Reaching in to the depths of my soul, I would get up in the morning and start foam rolling out the heaviness in my back and hips. I would lie down on the floor, symbolically, in the Dead Man’s Pose, and open up my vulnerable body and my vulnerable heart. I would move into QiGong movements to fill my heart with the Love I desperately needed.

The management of grief can be accomplished through all these types of bodywork, though it cannot accomplish the complete removal of grief. I don’t suppose that grief can ever be taken completely away. The benefits of Yoga, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, foam rolling,and other relaxation techniques for the management of grief are one of the ways you can learn to cope through bodywork.

Even the simplest bodywork exercises can bring about Peace, Love and healing in your life. I offer some simple exercises to help you in the management of grief. Neither exercise requires any equipment at all.

The Yoga Dead Man's Pose:

Yes, this pose is one to help you with your grief. It is aptly named, to bring about the concept of total and complete relaxation.

Lie on the floor, back down, and legs a comfortable width apart. Let your feet roll outwards. Arms are at your sides, with palms open and up toward the ceiling.

Feel the weight of your entire body being supported by the ground. Starting with your feet, feel them relax and fall outward. In your mind, move up your body, and consciously relax each and every muscle, one by one.

Especially focus on your hands, and relax them. Focus next on your face and allow it to relax. Let your hips sink into the floor. Let your shoulder blades fall and sink deeper into the floor.

Begin to feel the total relaxation. Sink into the utter supported feeling, the utter being, the utter relaxation and the utter calm.

Slowly focus on your breath. As you breath in deeply, notice your belly move up and down. Breathe deeper. Slowly fill your chest deeper with each breath. Notice the movements of both your belly and your chest as your breath becomes deeper.

With each breath in, thank God for the breath of life and allow Love to flow in. With each breath out, release the tension, release the hurt and release the pain.

Breathe in: Meditate on Love and Grace flowing in. Breathe out: Meditate on pain and hurt flowing out. Cleanse your soul with each breath.

Open your heart and soul to allow that which wants to happen, happen.

If you suffer from back pain, try the method my sister, Sharon of Spirit Song uses. She loves to do this pose even more supported, with her legs bent and propped up on her sofa. She states, "I discovered my back is well supported and straight in this position. I can open my chest this way, open myself to God, breathe deeply, relax my shoulder and neck muscles ...it becomes an intuitive 'letting go' non-movement for me. A symbol of opening, resting in Earth, God's womb, a time to stop carrying others (and my grief) and letting God carry me for awhile."

Yoga classes offer this type of meditative bodywork support, as seen here:

Yoga Standing Forward Bend Pose:

This is another utter relaxation and letting go pose for you to try.

Stand with your feet forward and a few inches apart. Yoga texts tell you to stand so that the bases of your toes are touching, but if you find it difficult to do this at first, widen the distance between your toes. Find a comfortable balance. Place your hands on your hips.

As you breathe in, bend down through your hips instead of your waist. Focus on extending and lengthening your torso as you go down. Bend as far as you can comfortably go. You can keep your knees straight if that is comfortable; otherwise keep a small bend in the knees.

If you can rest your hands on your feet, or the ground do so. Rest them on your knees if that is as far as you can go. Or best, perhaps, is just to let them hang. Find a position that is comfortable for you.

Breathe in and let go. Let your upper body hang, as you feel it lengthening and letting go with each exhale of the breath. Let your head hang and lengthen from the root of your neck at your shoulders.

Breathe and sink into the stretch. When you inhale, lift your torso just slightly, and as you exhale, lengthen at the hips even more. Breathe slowly and deeply.

Hold this pose for as long as your heart desires, to feel grounded, relaxed and connected to the Earth.

Take the Bodywork Outdoors

You can try the Dead Man's Pose bodywork exercise out of doors. If you lie on a blanket in the warm sunshine, you will get the added benefit of raising your endorphins from the sun exposure. You can also continue your meditation as you relax and gaze at the clouds.

I suppose this meditation would work at nighttime as well, gazing at the stars on a warm night. Or cocooned in a sleeping bag or warm blanket on a brisk night!

The Standing Forward Bend works well in the warm sunshine as well. Find a quiet, sunny corner in your yard or in the park.

Stay Grounded with Bodywork

These two simple poses will keep you grounded, when you need to be. They will help you with anxiety and depression. They will help you when you feel overwhelmed and need an escape. They will relax you, support you and comfort you.

These two simple bodywork exercises will bring you closer to the Earth. After all, we are all closer to the Earth than we think. Welcome the expression of your soul as it connects to all things.

In reality, bodywork is praying with the body!

May these simple bodywork techniques assist you in the management of grief and may you find Peace, Wholeness and Healing of your body-mind-soul!

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